Decision Time

I’m a huge fan of advice. I typically ask for some about even the most mundane things, like what I’m having for lunch tomorrow (if you have any ideas, hit a brother up.). Most of it is just temporary in nature, nothing worth writing down or even repeating. But every once in a while, one piece of advice buries its way into your heart like… a gopher. And like a gopher it roots around in there, digging tunnels, ruining well manicured lawns, and… I forgot where I was going with this analogy.

But the point is sometimes this one bit of advice sinks in, and unlike a gopher, it just feels right. It resonates with your soul, with your being. It becomes a mantra, of sorts, completely altering the trajectory of your life. The earliest one I can remember from my own life were the wise words of my mother, spoken over me my 6th grade year. I can remember them just like it was yesterday…

“Jason, I bought this deodorant for you. USE IT.”

Wise words. LIFE CHANGING WORDS.

That wasn’t the only gem I stole from mi madre. Here’s another I tweeted a few days ago:

 

Groupon Dating

It’s no secret that most of my friends are continuously trying to marry me off, set me up, and pawn me off on any girl they meet. The dedication and laser focus they all share really is commendable. It took an interesting twist last week when I received this text:

“Can I set up an online dating profile for you on [blank]? I just saw a Groupon for it.”

This brought up so many questions for me…

Would I be comfortable telling my future kids I met their mom via coupon?

Do I want to be matched with people who are so cheap they would only join after using a coupon?

Wait, I’m that type of person… Could I handle a female version of me?

The answer to all of the above is the same as I gave that helping friend… No.

But what if, just what if, I said yes? What if I said yes to Groupon entering my world of dating? Is it like a vampire, once invited in, you’re doomed? Can my dating world be more doomed than it is at current, anyway?

Would my date be impressed with my financial savvy as I whip out a Groupon for 1/2 off at Bucky’s BBQ? I say yes. Saving on BBQ is always a win, right ladies?

Before we all know it, I’m having a Groupon themed wedding. Discounted tux rentals, cupcakes priced 12 for 24. Flower arrangements. Catering services. Don’t worry, you’re invited. I got the location at a steal of a price.

Opening wedding gifts of two-for-one spa days, green fees at the local golf course at half the price, 66% off cell phone repair, Brazilian waxes for pennies. Grouponed merchandise of Omaha steaks and a 100″ pearl necklace.

The honeymoon? Groupon Getaways, naturally! Here we come, St. Croix!…but not during the blackout dates… which looks like most of summer…and winter. The savings is WORTH IT.

On second thought, financially, this might be the best decision I could make! Additionally, maybe that dating website would pay for me to be on their commercials. Which would be great because I just saw this Groupon about these archery classes…

What’s the strangest Groupon you’ve purchased?

Many thanks to Jamie for her help with this idea… meaning this is almost a verbatim transcript of a conversation we had. Check out her site.

 

Thoughts and Reaction to Boston

I wrestled a lot with whether or not to address the recent events in Boston it on here. There’s been so much said, written, and discussed already. I decided I needed to – if only to organize my own thoughts and feelings.

Then I found I had no words.

Tragedies have this paralyzing effect on me. Upon hearing the news, it was hard for me to focus on anything else. I craved more information, more updates, reading and re-reading news outlets and social media.

Sitting in my office, eyes watering, looking at picture after picture after video.

And this is Boston?

Blood-stained sidewalks. Agony. Terror.

How is this Boston?

There’s bombings in other parts of the world, but…. this is Boston.

It was a sickening feeling sitting there. I remember past tragedies – OKC, NYC – but this one hit much harder for some reason. Maybe it’s being older, understanding the full weight. The full horror. The full loss. It made me sick to my stomach.

And then there was fear.

Fear that we are not exempt from the terror that most of the world lives with. Fear that the control I feel over my life is truly just an illusion. Fear…that there will be a next.

And then anger.

Anger at the person behind this. Anger that something could drive someone to this. Anger…that this world is evil and broken.

And then sadness.

Sadness for the pain. Sadness for the loss. Sadness…realizing that I, too, am evil and broken.

And then hope.

Hope in humanity. Hope in love. Hope… that there is more than this

Hope that, one day, this will all be made right.

 

Candy, Chad, and the End of the World.

(Note: I’m terrible at blog titles. This one is a prime example. Early apologies.)

Today, my hope for the future of humanity was extinguished.

Hyperbole, you say? No, say I. Truth. Fact.

We are doomed.

There a few simple things in life that I find a crazy amount of pleasure in: brand new socks, all types of ice cream, Lost, and…

Laffy Taffy.

If you’re not familiar with the candy, what are you doing with your life??

Is it the best candy ever? No.

Top 5? No.

Top 15? Not ever.

However, there’s no better way to deliver a jolt of artificial banana flavor to your system like a fun-sized, individually wrapped Laffy Taffy. And when Laffy Taffy says “fun-sized” they mean it! Laffy is more than just half their name, it’s a way of life. They put two jokes on the outside of their wrapper, because they believe you deserve more than just an incredibly hard candy. You deserve to laugh….er, laff.

Candy and jokes?! Are kidding me?! What a great combo!

Are these jokes the greatest? No. No stand-up comic is going to be ripping off Laffy Taffy. These are cheesy jokes, sent in by children, students, and little ones across the country.

Here’s my favorite:

Q: What do you do with a sick bee?

A: Take him to the ‘Wasp-ital!’

Classic, right? These little chuckles get me through the day.

UNTIL TODAY.

This little “gem” (if we can call it that) was discover today:

Wow, Chad D. of New Bedford. Wow. That’s…terrible. Your parents let you send that in? I bet your room is filled with participation trophies too…

This is what kids find funny?! This is humor to this next generation?! “MAYBE”?! Children are our future! I heard a celebrity ensemble sing it, so it must be!

Does the fault lie with Chad D’s parents? Society? A poor public school system? Canada?  I don’t know, but if this is a sign of things to come, Nuclear/Zombie/Cylon Apocalypse is not far behind.

I had to eat THREE more pieces just to make up for this.

We are doomed.

 

 

Things I Learned at Killer Tribes…

When you attend a conference, you’re inundated with information. Speaker after speaker toss bullet point after bullet point after alliterated point at the audience, while you feverishly jot/script/tweet/type each one. But I’ve learned that some of the best information gleaned is the stuff between sessions. It’s the nonverbal communication of a conference…despite that it’s actually usually verbal communication. Just go with it.

This was no different with Killer Tribes conference, which I had the pleasure of attending this past weekend. While the sessions had great, practical information, there’s no need to rehash that because you can buy the audio later. Instead, here are the best things I learned that won’t show up in anyone’s notes:

1. Bryan Allain, the King of the Interwebs, is shorter in person than online. The Internet adds 6 inches.

2. Despite how great Jamie’s cake pops look, they taste SO much better.

3. The IKEA in Atlanta is the only one in the world to serve grits. (courtesy of Anne and Will)

4. Shawn’s aunt is everyone’s aunt.

5. There are some really tall women out there.

6. There are some really short women out there.

7. McNary holds no fear of bed bugs or things that go bump in the night.

8. The polite way to get out of a conversation is to say, “I’m going to grab a coffee/drink/grapefruit soda.”

9. If the bathroom window shade is see-thru, most people would prefer it replaced and not just a note about it.

10. People actually make money writing tweets for other people! (HIRE ME.)

11. There are some people out there doing some cool things. Here’s a small taste of the people I met:

• dustn.tv
• modernmrsdarcy.com
• moneysavingmom.com
• marleeward.com
• lauramcclellan.com
• housewifemama.com

 

 

Coffee Bean Babies

You know those magical moments in life when things you like join forces to create something even better? For example, consider the following moments of wonder:

He’s our hero.

- Oreos and ice cream.

- Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z.

- Free and cake.

- Earth and wind and fire and water and heart. Am I right?

Today, I learned about two of my favorite things teaming up to create such a level of awesomeness that Captain Planet would have no hope to contain: coffee and babies.

Babies? 

Correction: friends having babies.

Before I explain, let’s take a quick trip together. Pack your bags as we trek to the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). Yes, that is the setting for this amazing movie. Truthfully, I also thought Anaconda was set there, and nope – that’s the Amazon. But neither of those are what brings us to the Congo today. Listen to a few quick bullet points I just learned about the DRC:

• Congo is the world’s least developed country in terms of life expectancy, education, standard of living and key health indicators, like maternal and child mortality (rescue.org)
• Seventy percent of the population lives below the poverty line. (USAID Fact Sheet)
•  The DRC has the fifth highest child mortality rate in the world with 168 out of every 1000 children dying before age 5. (data.worldbank.org)

Craziness.

So what does this have to do with coffee and babies?  I’m glad you asked, but before we move on, let me clarify: we’re talking about others having babies, not me. But I do know a couple (Darin and Steph: see below) that would love to have a baby, and after some prayerful consideration, specifically a baby from the DRC. Obviously, things in the good ol’ DRC aren’t that…good. This would transform a child’s life beyond belief.

International adoption is crazy expensive, and this is where my other favorite thing comes in (that’s coffee if you haven’t been following along).

Darin and Stephanie own a coffee shop and roast their own beans, and by that I mean, Darin is a roast-master. He’s your Picasso of the Bean.

Let’s tie this all together now, bow and all. This post isn’t about them; it’s about you. It’s about you and your coffee needs. I know you need. I know I need it. Stop drinking run-of-the-mill drip coffee. Or coffee at that hipster place a few blocks from your work.

Instead, drink coffee that will help make a family. Darin and Stephanie have set up a website where you can order some of their very own roasted beans. At the same time, you can learn more about their dream and help them afford the adventure ahead of them. Or, if you’re near Platteville, Wisconsin, you can stop by their store and buy it. Or give them a grand! I don’t want to limit your options here…

Darin and Steph

So…let’s review:

Drink better coffee.

Help adoption.

Fulfill dreams and change lives.

Do it here: www.coffeeforadoption.com

Spread the word.

P.S. Darin said that if I referred only 1,000 purchases, he would name the little one after me…no matter BOY OR GIRL, GUYS! DO IT.

 

Just Football?

If you follow me on any form of social media, you know I had the fortune of going to see my team, the Seattle Seahawks, play in Atlanta this past weekend. I won’t bore you with a replay, but it was a game that brought up the entire spectrum of emotions within me. Anger, envy, joy, despair, sadness, heartbreak. And that was only five minutes worth.

I left Atlanta exhausted with no voice, like I had played the game.

Sports have this way about them – to lure you in and then crush you. Yet, you leave wanting more. And I love it.

A few quick observations from the weekend: